My mother quarantined me in the house due to the fact that I have a head cold. I’ve watched upwards of 20 episodes of Parks and Recreaton and the only thing in my system is Day/NyQuil, orange juice, and chicken soup. So because of my lousy mood I’m gonna talk about five of my least favorite things.
5. Movie clappers
I’m not one to complain if you want to clap at the end of the movie. To me, that’s like clapping when a pilot successfully lands a plane. It’s when people clap in the middle of the movie that really grinds my gears. I’ll never forget when I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (2011) and all the girls who dress like scantily clad Hogwarts students would erupt in applause after every little thing. Oh, Harry destroyed a horcrux? Applause. Oh, Ron and Hermione kissed? Applause. Neville pulled out a sword after some speech? Applause. I hate it, it takes me out of the movie and sometimes when it happens you miss lines of dialogue that could be actually pretty important! Hold your applause ’till the end, PLEASE.
4. People who don’t know Wheel of Fortune etiquette
Wheel of Fortune is a HUGE deal in my household. Nine times out of ten when my family sits down for dinner, it’s when Wheel is starting. There’s a simple rule to Wheel of Fortune and it’s this: DO NOT guess the puzzle until you think you know ALL the words. None of that, “Oh the first word is ‘the’ and the fourth word is ‘life’, but I can’t seem to get the other ones.” They don’t do that on the show so why should you do it in your home?! It gives away the puzzle to anyone who may not have known those words! And if you guess it wrong, YOU’RE OUT. no second guesses. You keep your mouth shut until the next puzzle.
3. Someone who doesn’t know how to order a drink
Now that I’m 21 and can legally have a good time at bars and enjoy drinks with friends in a casual and not competitive, “Who can get drunkest the fastest” atmosphere, I made sure that I know how to properly order a drink at the bar. Nothing makes my skin crawl more than when you get to the bar and your friend says, “I want like… a beer.” and the bartender says, “Okay, what kind?” and then your friend says, “Umm… What do you have?” LOOK AND YOU WILL KNOW. If you don’t know what you like, then EXPERIMENT. You don’t need to binge drink it to know that you like it! If your friend orders something you’ve never heard of, ask if you can have a sip and see if you like it! LEARN WHAT YOU LIKE. And don’t order the most expensive alcohol they have, that doesn’t guarantee you’ll like it. For example, I like New Amsterdam gin. Is it stupid expensive? No, I bought a bottle of it for $30 in New Hampshire. Put a lime or three in there, serve it on the rocks, and you have a happy Reed.
2. People who come into a movie halfway and keep asking you questions as to what’s going on
If you are curious as to what’s going on, don’t start watching the damn movie in the middle of the second act! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been intrigued by a movie that I’m watching for the first time and either a friend or my dad comes in and asks “Why is he doing this,” or, “Where are they now?” or, “What’s his name, where have I seen him before?” Just like the clapping, it takes me out of the film, and distracts me. I hate it, it is actually the worst. Either look up the plot on Wikipedia while you’re sitting there or just shut up and let me watch the movie.
1. Backseat drivers
IF YOU KEEP COMPLAINING ABOUT MY DRIVING SKILLS OR MY ROUTES, THEN YOU FREAKING DRIVE. I mean my God, is it so hard to just keep your mouth shut and enjoy the ride and/or music? My mom does it to my dad all the time. My friends do it to each other. It’s condescending, rude, and overall annoying. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been driving and either my mother or someone in the back seat is just chirping in my ear saying nonsense like, “Wow, you took this road? That one will get you there thirty seconds sooner,” or, “Don’t you think you should slow down in case we miss the turn?” I honestly think that backseat drivers are the source of a lot of car accidents. Because the backseat driver just agitates the real driver so much and if you’re like me, when you’re angry your judgement is impaired and you can’t focus on the road and what’s around you. I LOVE driving, and I hate it when something I love is ruined with a mosquito buzzing pure unadulterated nonsense into my ear.
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