One of my biggest flaws in life is that I have none… Just kidding, I’m awesome but not that awesome.
But srsly, one of my biggest flaws is I tend to overthink certain situations. It varies from analyzing a text from a girl to deciding whether to dry myself in or out of the shower. Eventually I end up making a decision on a matter and I’d say a solid 55% of the time I regret that decision. I will back out of something because I’m afraid of a potential consequence. I’ll keep my mouth shut about something because I don’t want to hear a person’s reaction. Someone will say something to me and I’ll take it all too srsly and stay up at night thinking that person is mad at me when in reality they are just trying to get a rise out of me for S’s and G’s. Regardless it’s been a problem for me lately… Until nowish.
Its taken me 20 years to get to this point but I’ve finally gotten to the point where I’m done thinking. I’m finished with this fear of reactions and judgement from my friends whose opinions I think are just SO important. If they are REALLY my friends, they will love me regardless of what I do or say… Unless I, like, kill their dog or something; let’s not blow this out of proportion.
This past week I had what alcoholics refer to as, “A moment of clarity,” and decided I am no longer going to overthink every little thing in my life. I’m no longer going to look for signs from people or things to give me answers. No more of this “Two second rule” or “Stars aligning ordeal.” Because maybe it’s dumb to look for the signs from the universe! Maybe the universe has better things to do. I mean, dear God, I hope it does. You know how many signs I’ve gotten, that I should or shouldn’t be with someone? And where has it gotten me? Maybe there aren’t any signs. Maybe… maybe a locket’s just a locket, and… a chair’s just a chair. Maybe we don’t have to give meaning to every little thing. And maybe we don’t… Maybe we don’t need the universe to tell us what we really want. Maybe we already know that. Deep down.
I was so fed up with myself last week that finally I just made a decision and stuck to it, didn’t tell anyone, and you know what. I’M SO GLAD I DID IT. In fact right now, this very moment, I’m doing something that I’ve wanted to do for the past three years and so far it’s going splendidly because I just stopped worrying about everything else; and for the first time in a while, I did something for me and maybe it’s luck that nothing bad happened; but honestly what’s the worst that could have come if something bad did happen?
We’re so caught up on consequence and judgement from friends and ourselves that we lose focus of something that we may want. Stop thinking about others, starting thinking about you. Then stop thinking and start doing. Because who knows, you may miss out on an experience unlike any other. What’s the worst that could happen? Something doesn’t work out and you’re right back where you started? Sick, because that’s SO bad. Don’t let anyone tell you or intimidate you into thinking you can’t do something, you can absolutely do it. Don’t let them take control of your life, you have total control.
The minute you let these people tell you what to do and play puppet master is the moment your life doesn’t become your own anymore, and you wake up one morning in your dorm room and think to yourself, “What the hell is my life?” Don’t be that guy. Don’t behave, be you.
Rant over, hope everyone does well on their finals and I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving/Thanksgivukkah.