The ‘Friend Zone’ and why I’m the mayor of it.


Ever see the movie Just Friends (2005) starring Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart? My life often compares to that. For some reason when I was growing up I thought that the way I will get a girlfriend is if I show that I care about her as if she was my sister and always tell them my secrets. WRONG. This is a one way ticket to the dreaded Friend Zone.

All through my awkward teenage years I would ask a girl out after I thought I had, “planted a seed,” and then I got the same response every time: That they didn’t wanna go out with me because they, “Thought of me like a brother.”

Now I know I’m talking about middle school and that is the most ridiculous time of one’s life. I’ll have you know I did get out of middle school in one piece and somehow made it to class president (Not that I can put that on a resumé… That and $1.90 will get me a small black coffee at Dunkin Donuts). I had one girlfriend in middle school and it lasted like two and a half weeks and I think if you asked her today if we dated she wouldn’t remember.

I thought the whole Friend Zone thing would end in high school. FALSE. There was this girl that I had just met who went to the other middle school in my town that I didn’t go to, called Blanchard Middle School. Therefore I gave her the nickname The Blanchard Bird (You’ll come to realize I have little pet names for a lot of people in my life). I got her number and texted her A TON, then on New Years Eve we were at the same party and I tried to make a move to get with her (NOT LIKE THAT, get your mind out of the gutter). However my attempts were proved futile as she told me, “We’re just friends.” This happened with like three more girls until my sophomore year when I got my first high school girlfriend. And even that relationship was a bust because we ACTUALLY worked better as friends.

I’m not blaming these females on me being put in the Friend Zone, it is without a doubt my fault. My mother always told me that she knows what looks best on me for outfits so I decided to ask my female friends to help me out with finding clothes so I know what impresses the opposite sex (Yeah, I said sex. Deal with it). Eventually this snowballed into girls asking ME what I think looks good on them, and with my vast knowledge of fashion and products thanks to my older cousin and mother, I helped them out. I EVEN STARTED GETTING INVITED TO GIRLS’ NIGHTS… AND I’D GO. Because I had this false sense of hope that I’d make some connection with a girl there and find ‘The one.’

So to summarize my social life when it comes to women, I am always put in the friend zone because I, one could say, care too much about their lives? I’m not quite sure. I will say that I am my own worst enemy because I do this almost every time I come across a woman I find interest in. Maybe I should just do what all the movie characters do and be total jerks to the women I come across. Or maybe I should just stop over thinking this whole thing and move on like a normal human being. Regardless, my name is Reed, and I am the current mayor of the Friend Zone. Even in college I’ve been Friend Zoned by like one or two girls. Oh well, get ’em next time I guess.

Sorry this rant was a little pointless, I’m just procrastinating packing for school and waiting for my friend to call me so we can get some back to school clothes… She’s a girl… I need help.


2 responses to “The ‘Friend Zone’ and why I’m the mayor of it.

  1. Hilarious. I witnessed you doing this and if it had been appropriate back then, I would have warned you!

  2. this rant is a lovely addition to the ranting tweets i have seen from you. sorry to say youll always be like a brother to me tho, but i think youre okay with that. i also appreciate your mr scollan quote.

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